Harry Potter and the Gluttony of Dudley
by TheEvilBanana
Summary: As part of a class assignment, Harry must introduce a Muggle to the wizarding society. Guess who he brings? Response to challenge. Oneshot.


**Response to twilightm00n's challenge!**

**Requirements**

-Must include in the plotline: Dudley visits Hogsmeade and Honeydukes and appalls the sales clerks and customers with his gluttony.

-Must also include mention of Everlasting Gobbstoppers, a candy based off of the Dark Mark or Death Eaters, and the spell _Waddiwasi_

* * *

"As part of the anti-Voldemort organization, I am advocating a practice to encourage Muggle-Wizard relationships among the youth here at Hogwarts. Therefore, I am requiring every witch and wizard student residing in the castle to bring a non-magic relation to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as part of the first annual Muggle-Wizard Relations Day. Participation will count for a quarter of this semester's grades. Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore." 

Ron finished reading and stared at the parchment confusedly. "Err Hermione, what's this mean?" he asked. Hermione gave him an exasperated glance.

"It means that every witch and wizard is supposed to bring a Muggle to school," she dumbed down for him. Ron glanced wide-eyed at the sheet again.

"Bring Muggles? To the school? Isn't there like, a rule against that or something?"

"According to Hogwarts, A History," Hermione began, causing Ron and Harry to roll their eyes, "There is a barrier preventing Muggles from entering or even seeing the castle." She turned thoughtful. "But I presume the headmaster has thought of a way to manipulate the spells to allow Muggle entrance. We'll find out I suppose."

"So we're just supposed to go out and pick up random Muggles to bring to the castle?" asked Ron.

"Well, if they don't already know about magic, they will be examined by the ministry for approval. They need to be able to keep a secret to themselves," Hermione explained.

Ron nodded slightly, feigning comprehension rather well, and turned back to the paper. Something suddenly seemed to dawn on him

"Hermione, that's, that's_ four_ Muggles my family has to bring! Not that I have anything against them, just that's a bloody lot to round up." He stared stupefied at the wall ahead of him.

Harry himself was at a loss. The only Muggles he knew either wanted to beat him up or wanted him to disappear. What was Dumbledore _thinking?_

* * *

The students were sent home for the weekend, granted two days to find a Muggle to bring to school. Harry arrived at Kings Cross station Saturday morning and took a taxi to Privet Drive. He didn't have his luggage or Hedwig, as his stay would be brief. 

Throughout the drive to the Dursley's, Harry tried to come up with a list of alternate Muggles to bring than his cousins. About halfway there he realized with a bout of dismay that everyone who weren't the Dursleys thought him a deranged boy with behavioral problems. No one would talk to the boy who attended St. Brutus' Academy. A sigh of long suffering escaped him. If only this didn't count for so much of his grade.

So no strangers. That left….Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley. Wonderful. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Petunia was out of the question. She would sooner lock herself in the cupboard under the stairs than take a step toward the magic world.

Vernon was about the same, excepting the fact that his head wouldn't fit in the cupboard, let alone his titanic body. Harry was picturing his uncle shooting at every wizard in sight with his newly repaired rifle when the taxi screeched to a halt. Harry's head slammed against the headboard of the seat in front of him. He rubbed his forehead, and, grumbling, paid the cab driver before exiting the car.

No, he decided firmly, Vernon was definitely out of the question. That left…Dudley. Harry groaned.

Harry found himself standing in the exact same spot the taxi driver left him twenty minutes ago, glaring balefully at the pristine house before him. What was he going to say? Hi Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, mind if I borrow Dudley for a day, you know, hang out, play, and expose him to the entire wizarding community? Harry shook his head, took a deep breath, and took the first trudging steps up to the door.

To Harry's mounting annoyance, the door was locked. Digging into his pocket, Harry withdrew the slim pocketknife bestowed upon him by Sirius. He thrust it into the keyhole. Moments later the door swung open and Harry stepped across the threshold.

At first it seemed like the house was deserted. Then a distant noise sounded from the living room and Harry realized it must be T.V. time.

Aunt Petunia was the first to notice Harry as he strode casually into the living room. She gave an inarticulate squeak and motioned to Vernon. The big fellow seemed too preoccupied with the glowing screen to notice.

"Vernon," she whispered urgently.

"What?" Vernon said snappishly, turning around. He finally noticed Harry. His eyes flickered with shock, confusion, anger, confusion again, and finally rested on what looked to Harry like malicious humor.

"Finally expelled, eh, boy?" Vernon sneered. Harry very nearly rolled his eyes, but was determined to see this plan through, and if that included holding a straight face in front of his uncle, well, so be it.

"No," replied Harry conversationally. Vernon raised a bushy eyebrow, somehow making his beady eyes look even smaller. "Actually," continued Harry, "I have something rather important to discuss with you."

Vernon seemed to being losing both patience and interest, and had started to turn back to the screen.

"It concerns Dudley," Harry said loudly, indicating the pudgy lump still oblivious to Harry's presence. Vernon's attention, however, whipped back to Harry.

"What do you want with him?" He seethed viciously. Harry thought he rather resembled Grawp.

Harry hesitated only a fraction of a second before replying smoothly, "I need to take him with me for a day."

Petunia gasped and Vernon's eyes bulged so much Harry feared for a moment they would erupt from his head. Petunia was the first to speak.

"You honestly _think _we would let you just-just take away our Diddykins to mingle with _your lot_?" She asked, breathless.

"Well…yeah, that's kinda what I was hoping for, yes," said Harry, watching Uncle Vernon carefully. Before the larger could explode, Harry cut him off.

"You see, I need to take him to my school as a…" Harry thought for a second. Saying Dudley would become a wizard project would not win him points. Oh well. "As a requirement to pass the school year." Harry hurried on, he was counting the seconds until Vernon detonated.

"You see, you don't _want _me to fail," Harry hazarded. "Because if I do, I'll have to come back and you'll be stuck with me again."

Vernon seemed to be listening.

"Except this time, if I'm expelled," Harry lied, "They can't control any….magic tricks I perform. You know, wandless magic and all." Harry wriggled his fingers at Uncle Vernon, who visibly flinched. Petunia simply cowered behind the mass of Harry's uncle.

Vernon, for his part, seemed to bring his boiling eruption down to a simmer, scared if nothing else.

"What are you going to do to him?" He asked gruffly, looking both apprehensive and murderous. Petunia drew in a sharp breath, clearly miffed by her husband's lack of backbone.

Harry, relieved he had made it this far, answered, "Nothing. I'm going to take him to a village, show him around, um…" Harry looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. "There's a sweets shop he might enjoy."

At the mention of sweets, Dudley turned his great head around, eyes wandering slowly across the room before they landed on Harry. He grinned stupidly, then appeared torn. Finally he decided his television show was more important than his scrawny cousin, and re-glued himself to the screen.

Harry couldn't help but to roll his eyes this time.

"Um, well, anyway, nothing bad will happen to him," Harry said honestly, looking directly at Aunt Petunia when he said this.

"And why do you need to take _him_?" asked Vernon.

"It's part of an assignment given by Professor Dumbledore, to help Mugg—err, non-wizards and wizards cooperate together. It'll help, it'll help…to keep peace," Harry finished, not wanting to go into the withering details of Voldemort.

"But why not some other person?" inquired Uncle Vernon. "Why our Dudley?" Harry found it amazing that Dudley could so completely ignore his surroundings for the sake of the television that he didn't even realize when his parents were talking about him.

"Well, you kind of scared all of Surrey away from me, when you blabbed that I was attending a school for special criminal cases," drawled Harry.

Harry looked at Vernon.

Vernon looked at Harry.

"If you let me, I'll only come back here for the summer, and after school it's likely you'll never see or hear from me again," Harry said, trying to sway his uncle.

Vernon appeared contemplative, which really only made him look stupid.

"Vernon, you aren't _seriously_ considering this, are you dear?" came Petunia's high-pitched voice. Vernon ignored her, and focused solely on Harry.

"This…this…Dubbledorm person, he knows what he's doing, eh?"

"Absolutely," responded Harry. Petunia grew paler by the second. "There's no one I'd trust more," said Harry sincerely. Vernon gave him a shrewd look.

"And if we let you, there'd be no more, no more funny business?" demanded Vernon.

"Not from me," Harry promised. Vernon was silent for a long time, the only noise coming from the television set.

"Alright," said Vernon at last. Petunia looked as if her husband has signed a death warrant. Harry almost leapt for joy. Almost. This was Dudley he'd have to lug around, after all.

"But," said Uncle Vernon in a warning tone, "If anything, and I mean _anything _happens to him, it's _your _neck on the line, boy." He shook a warning finger at Harry. Harry nodded.

The three decided not to break the news to Dudley until Sunday, so Harry spent the day out of the house. He wandered down the street, waving casually to Ms. Figg as he passed. With no particular destination in mind, Harry wandered around the neighborhood, observing the sheer boringness of Surrey. Eventually he found himself at the playground and sat on one of the deserted swings. He fished around in his pockets until he found a small package of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. He entertained himself for awhile with those, nearly vomiting at the vomit-flavored one.

When he finally looked at his watch, Harry was surprised to see it was past six in the evening. Dinnertime had probably not changed in the Dursley home, meaning he had missed it by an hour. Harry's stomach rumbled, and he realized just how spoiled he'd been at Hogwarts.

When Harry opened the door to number four, Privet Drive, Aunt Petunia gave him a derisive look. Too late, she seemed to say. Harry turned away and trekked upstairs. Flopping on his bed, Harry stared aimlessly at the ceiling, eventually drifting off to sleep, dreaming of a blown-up Aunt Marge trying to squeeze into the cupboard under the stairs.

* * *

Harry awoke from his pleasant night's sleep by a sharp hunger pang in his stomach. He headed downstairs, sunlight illuminating the house. He realized he must have slept in late, for Dudley, Uncle Vernon, and Aunt Petunia were already in the kitchen. Petunia gave him another 'too late' look. Harry rolled his eyes and inwardly groaned. He hadn't brought any Muggle money with him to buy food either. 

By the end of the day Harry was lightheaded with hunger. He had missed the midday meal as well and was sorely looking forward to supper. Only to be told that since he hadn't eaten last night, Aunt Petunia assumed he again wouldn't be eating, and therefore hadn't fixed anything for him. Annoyed and hungry, Harry retreated to his room, scrounging for any dropped Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. He found one, a grey-green sickly color that looked suspiciously like a vomit bean. Rather than risk it, he chucked the bean into the wastebasket.

Much later there was a knock on his door. Head spinning, Harry sat up and called the visitor in. It was Dudley. He looked at Harry. Harry looked at the plate of food in Dudley's hand.

"Dad told me you were taking me somewhere tomorrow for a field trip," Dudley said thickly, handing Harry the plate. Harry nodded and began devouring the food. Dudley watched with morbid fascination.

"I don't hafta…," Dudley waggled his fingers a bit.

"No," said Harry. "You can't, anyway," he added as an afterthought. Dudley nodded.

"How we gettin' there?" he asked. Harry grinned.

"By train," he answered.

* * *

Now that he thought about it, Harry wasn't entirely sure platform 9 ¾ would let Dudley through. Oh well. If it didn't, it would still be funny to see Dudley's head get rammed into a brick wall. Harry was thinking this as he guided Dudley through Kings Cross. When they reached the pillar of bricks, Harry stopped in front of it, holding out his hand toward his cousin. Dudley, looking more confused than ever, took it, and Harry dragged him through the wall. On platform 9 ¾, Harry looked back and found his cousin still at his side, looking stunned. Shucks, thought the evil side of Harry. 

Finding a seat on the train was a relatively easy matter, as Harry had made sure they were relatively early, just in case something went wrong. Harry bought Dudley a Chocolate Frog from the trolley cart, not bothering to explain the money that was exchange. Harry actually doubted Dudley had noticed the change in currency. He was too focused on the treat that was being presented to him.

Harry had the sadistic pleasure of watching Dudley yelp when the frog inside the package leaped into the air. With a practiced move, Harry swiped it out of the air and held the wriggling treat out to a spooked Dudley.

"Is it…is it safe?" asked Dudley, eyeing the squirming treat warily.

"Of course it is. It's just a spell." Harry had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu as he explained this to his cousin. "See?" Harry bit off a leg. When nothing drastic happened to him, Dudley gained confidence and nibbled another leg, before promptly chomping off the head. Harry grimaced. Watching Dudley eat was never a pleasant experience.

"What card did you get?" asked Harry interestedly.

"Wha?"

"There's a card of a famous witch or wizard inside the box," Harry explained.

"Oh," said Dudley, scooting away from the box a bit. Harry sighed.

"The cards don't bite, Dudley," he reassured. With another sigh of long suffering, he reached over and pulled the card from the box.

"Oh, it's Dumbledore. You might get to meet him today," said Harry, tossing the card aside. Dudley glanced experimentally at it, before blinking in surprise

"He's gone!" Dudley gasped. Harry felt the waves of déjà vu again. He grinned.

"Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day, can you?" Dudley looked at him, confused. Obviously this was too much for his peanut-sized brain to handle.

It was nearly ten when a voice sounded from outside the compartment.

"Harry!" Harry turned and grinned.

"Hey Hermione," he answered. There was an Asian girl behind her, with astonishingly hot pink toe nail polish.

"So good to see you! This is Melissa, she's a patient of dad's," Hermione gestured to the girl behind her, who smiled and greeted the two.

Hermione's attention turned to Dudley.

"Erm, this must by Dudley," said Hermione, smiling politely. Dudley nodded slowly in return. Hermione glanced at Harry, who shrugged.

"Hi," came his thick voice. Harry had never known Dudley possessed such manners. He raised a speculative eyebrow.

"Well, I want to show Melissa around the train a bit, so I'll see you later Harry!"

"See ya 'Mione."

Harry was settling into his seat when he caught Dudley staring at him intently.

"What?" demanded Harry.

"You know girls?" Dudley asked, perplexed.

"I've known Hermione since my first year here," answered Harry, "But yes, I do have friends that are girls."

"She your girlfriend?" Harry nearly choked.

"Hermione?" he spluttered, "No, no, she's a friend, just a _friend,_" He emphasized.

"Oh," responded Dudley intelligently. Silence. Then, "I've never had a girlfriend before,"

"Err…" said Harry. This was a little too awkward for his taste.

Aside from that one awkward moment, Harry and Dudley's trip was relatively uneventful. Harry felt he could relax a bit. Dudley was on Harry's turf now, and wouldn't dare try anything close to a pummeling. At Dudley's request, Harry bought more chocolate frogs and Dudley eventually got the knack of catching them before they could hop away, and he seemed to enjoy his growing collection of cards.

Harry had not run into Ron yet, nor any of the Weasleys, for that matter, leading him to assume they had found an alternate route to Hogwarts with their extra large family.

When the train finally screeched to a stop, Harry guided Dudley out onto the platform. He was surprised to see so many teachers outside, and even more surprised to find them casting spells on students. Perplexed, he dragged Dudley by the arm over to Professor McGonagall.

"Professor, what are you doing?" Harry asked.

"It's a type of binding spell, Potter," replied the Transfiguration teacher.

"It binds your Muggle guest to you at a fifteen foot radius, in which they can see and touch all things magical," she explained, "Now come here so I can perform one on you."

"Wait. Hold up," said Harry, alarmed, "You want me to be bound to _him?_" Harry asked, pointing to Dudley. "I have to be next to him all _day_?"

"Yes Potter, you do, like it or not." She glanced at Dudley. "Your cousin?" Harry nodded. "Well, I'm sorry, Potter, but…," She pushed the two boys closer, rather, pushed Harry toward his large, immovable cousin. "_Bindan peisma_"

Harry gaped, not quite believing he was physically stuck with Dudley all day.

"Move along now, Potter, I have work to do," said McGonagall briskly.

Harry tried to move along. He really did. But the immovable lump prevented him from going more than fifteen feet. Irate, Harry turned to his cousin, who was staring wide-eyed ahead of him, trembling slightly.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry.

"Castle…just appeared…outta nowhere…" responded a very awestruck Dudley. Harry glanced behind him.

"Err, yeah, we'll go to that later," Harry said. "For now, let's go this way," he said, pushing Dudley in the direction of Hogsmeade.

Normally Harry walked to the village, but he wasn't sure his cousin's physique could take such a beating. Harry spotted an empty thestral-drawn carriage and made to grab it before it was taken. He was just hefting Dudley up onto it when a familiar, snide voice came from his right.

"Stop sniveling, you disgusting Muggle. Honestly, this place has gone completely _senile_," drawled Draco Malfoy, dragging a kid by his side. Harry looked at the kid. He was small, no more than ten, with black hair and a face covered in freckles. His arm was gripped rather harshly by the tall Slytherin boy, who looked as disgusted as if he was covered in Hippogriff dung.

"Potter," he sneered, catching sight of Harry.

"Malfoy," responded Harry. Dudley watched the interaction, showing some interest.

"Disgusting, these Muggles," commented Malfoy. Harry's eyes narrowed. Malfoy's charge cringed. "I swear, this place is going to the dogs. Just wait for my father to--"

"No one cares about your father, Malfoy," interrupted Harry, "Leave off, you're not impressing anyone." Malfoy glowered.

"Should have known you'd enjoy this Potter, you and your filthy Muggle-loving, Mudblood—" This time, Malfoy wasn't cut off by Harry, but rather a hex from Harry's wand. Blue and green tentacles replaced Draco's immaculate blonde hair, squirming and writhing on the boy's head. Draco yelped and panicked, running in circles, attempting to find a counter curse for the hex. Harry gripped Draco's robes, hauling him to eye level.

"If I _ever _catch you insulting me or my friends again, I will make sure you _beg _our forgiveness," Harry seethed. Slights against his friends always riled him. Harry released Draco and bent down to the ten year old, rummaging around in his pocket. He produced the last Chocolate Frog and gave it to the boy.

"Ignore Draco, I'm sorry you're stuck with him," Harry said meaningfully. "If you need help, signal anyone with a red and gold scarf, like me," he said. With that, he turned and hopped into the carriage with Dudley, who was staring at Harry with renewed respect, as well as disappointment that the last frog was gone. As an afterthought, Harry turned and lifted the curse off of Malfoy, whose circling antics were starting to jerk the bound kid around in random directions.

The ride to Hogsmeade was short, and within five minutes, the two cousins were roaming around the village.

"Interested in causing mayhem at school, Dudley?" asked Harry cheerfully. Dudley looked at him.

"Trouble, Dudley, want to cause trouble at school?" This time Dudley understood and nodded vigorously. Harry led him to Zonko's Joke Shop, where he purchased several Dungbombs and other various prank-playing items. Dudley seemed immensely pleased at buying these, but it was nearing noon, so was high time for lunch.

"Tell you what, Dudley," said Harry after Dudley's stomach had spoken for itself, "I'll take you to Honeydukes. It's the world's greatest sweet shop." Dudley's eyes lit up brighter than Harry had ever seen them.

The sweet shop was busy, as expected, but it was still fairly easy to maneuver around other customers. Harry turned to Dudley, who had taken up his customary confused expression. Harry realized the problem; Dudley had obviously never encountered sweets like these. Harry grinned.

"Come over here Dudley, we'll start with something you'll recognize," said Harry. Dudley was shown, of course, the gigantic barrel of Chocolate Frogs along the side of the room. Harry magicked a large shopping basket over to them.

"I guess we'll get started," said Harry.

Dudley filled the basket half with Chocolate Frogs, eyes glazed with anticipation. Harry then guided him around the store. Dudley wanted the bright red lollipops that occupied another barrel, but when Harry explained what they were, Dudley turned a greenish color and he turned away. Dudley chose several quills from the selection of Sugar Quills instead.

At Harry's insistence, Dudley added to the basket several bags of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, followed by a package of Jelly Slugs and, after several reassurances, Exploding BonBons. They stopped by a basket filled with what looked to be marbles. Dudley looked at Harry quizzically.

"Everlasting Gobbstoppers," replied Harry, tossing one into the now overflowing basket. "One's all you'll need, they literally last forever," Harry explained.

There was a basket near the Gobbstoppers, filled with black hard candy. Even Harry was hesitant to approach these in particular.

"Death Eater Edibles" he explained, picking up the skull-shaped hard candy. Immediately it transformed into what looked like a red gumball. "Prank candies," said Harry, popping one into his mouth. Instantly he sprouted rabbit ears on top of his head. Dudley grinned and grabbed one. His turned purple, and when he popped it into his mouth, his arms turned wooden. Dudley momentarily panicked before he spit the Edible out. He returned to normal as he watched Harry Scourgify the mess.

Dean Thomas swooped down on them then, greeting them cheerfully. He eyed the Death Eater Edibles before picking one up and began to suck on it. Seconds later he fell to the floor with a loud thump. Harry looked down. Dean's entire left leg had gone missing. The two Gryffindors laughed and Dudley joined in with his loud guffaws, adding a few Edibles to his basket.

Dudley was just sampling a Drooble's Best Blowing Gum when the bell on the Honeyduke's door tinkled and in walked Draco Malfoy. Malfoy shut the door in his Muggle's face, forcing the scrawny kid to heft the heavy door open by himself. He looked absolutely miserable.

Growling, Harry glanced around the room, trying to find a good way to deal with this problem. At last his eyes rested on Dudley, who was still chewing his wizard gum. Harry had an evil idea. Not a permanent solution to the problem, but all fun just the same.

"Dudley, spit that out," Harry commanded. Dudley looked affronted, then dismayed, and finally curious at Harry's wink. He hacked out the wad, coated completely in saliva. Disgusting, yes, but all the better for this prank. Harry pulled out his wand, and for once, Dudley did not flinch away from it. Harry waited for a clear shot at Malfoy, who was once again degrading the sniveling boy with another anti-Muggle tirade. When the opportunity came, Harry, with Dudley watching closely, pointed at the gum and yelled

"_Waddiwasi!"_ and then directed his wand at Malfoy.

The result was almost instantaneous. Dudley's gum flew across the room at Malfoy. Dudley thought it would land in the boy's face, but no, the gum, upon reaching Draco, took a vertical turn, lodging itself straight up Malfoy's nose. Some of the pink, gooey stuff started to dangle out. Both Dudley and Harry broke into hysterical laughter, and the boy, upon seeing Harry, brightened as well.

Just then the doorbell tinkled again and a new round of chuckles broke though. Malfoy, flaming red and in extreme discomfort, whirled around to face Harry.

"U'll ged doo!" Malfoy yelled through his clogged nose. He spun and dashed out of the shop, unfortunately dragging the little boy after him.

Harry's laughter ended soon after, and he turned to see the newcomers to the store. There stood Ron and Ginny Weasley with their Muggles, all of them holding their stomachs with laughter.

"Hey guys," greeted Harry. "Erm, this is Dudley," he said, gesturing to the lump behind him. Ron and Ginny nodded to Dudley, Ron shooting Harry a look a pity. Ginny slung an arm about Harry's shoulder.

"You really showed him, Harry," she laughed, clearly amused. Harry grinned and blushed lightly. Ginny winked at him.

"I feel bad for that kid though," said Harry.

"Don't worry 'bout it, mate," said Ron, "We already sicked Fred and George on him." They both grinned.

"Well anyway," said Harry, turning back to Dudley, "We should be on our way, we just bought…erm…lunch." Ron peered into the basket and laughed.

"See ya around, mate"

"Yeah, see ya,"

The two Weasleys left and Harry and Dudley, after paying for their treats, took up a couple stools at the parlor bar in Honeyduke's. As soon as they sat down, Dudley's hunger completely consumed him. Harry watched as wrapper after wrapper flew into the air. He watched as Dudley squashed the poor enchanted frogs under his ham-like fists before all but inhaling the brown mess. The sugar quills disappeared in minutes, soon followed by most of the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, though he did slow down for awhile with those. In the process he had downed six going on seven butterbeers Harry kept buying him. Harry noticed customers starting to shift away from them, and the sales clerk was becoming agitated. Harry grimaced, and, catching the salesman's eye to give a reassuring look, turned to Dudley. He cleared his throat loudly, and gave a meaningful look when Dudley looked up at him.

"Maybe we should go for a walk, we can eat while we go," Harry suggested. Dudley shrugged and nodded. He gathered his thirty-odd wizard cards and the rest of his sweets before following Harry out the door.

They wandered in silence for awhile, until Dudley, through a mouthful of Jelly Slugs, said thoughtfully, "After you graduate, I will never pick a fight with you again."

Harry laughed. "That was nothing, Dudley, believe me, there are much worse things thank prank spells and hexes."

"Like what?" asked Dudley, fingering a Death Eater Edible. Harry was surprised he showed interest.

"Well," Harry began hesitantly, "Well, like, you see that candy you're holding? It's named after dark wizards, death eaters, who enjoy torturing victims as much as…as much as you enjoy eating." Dudley raised an eyebrow as Harry continued, "They despise Muggles. They kill them off for _fun,_" Harry said bitterly, hatred starting to seep into his voice. Dudley's flushed skin fell sickly.

"Why don'…why don' you just get rid o'them?" asked Dudley. Harry laughed cynically.

"Their leader is too powerful, and according to prophecy, only one person can kill him," Harry said. He planned to leave it at that, but for some inexplicable reason the brain in his cousin's head decided to work today, and Dudley asked,

"Who dat?" Harry glanced at him.

"Me," he responded reluctantly. Dudley stared at Harry, dumbfounded.

"I uh…I guess it was a good idea we didn't kill you when Piers said to," said Dudley uneasily. Harry snorted. They walked on in silence, until again Dudley spoke.

"That why you 'ave that funny scar?" Harry nearly keeled over in shock, but caught himself. He had never, in all his life known Dudley to think as much in a given _year _as he had today.

"Yeah…that's exactly why," said Harry, still staring flabbergasted at Dudley, whose attention had turned back to his wizard cards. "You can't show those to anybody, you know," said Harry. Dudley glared at Harry.

"An' Wha-iff I do?" he asked.

"They'll change to Muggle baseball cards and never reverse," responded Harry, smirking. Dudley grunted.

"We should head back to the castle, it's getting near time to leave," Harry said.

"Oh yeah, the castle…" Dudley trailed off.

"We don't have time to go there," said Harry, "We'll miss the train."

Dudley looked put out.

"Next time, we'll go," Harry promised.

"Okay," Dudley settled, for he really didn't have a choice.

As they boarded the train, the two boys spotted something covered in black, wiry hair, several tentacles sprouting from its face, and what looked to be orange boogers flecked across it body. Though the face was mostly indistinguishable, something pink and gooey was protruding from what could be a nose. The figure was writhing silently on the ground, unable to stand. A green and silver scarf lay next to the person. Harry laughed and took note of the small boy a good ways away, apparently liberated by one of the teachers and looking much happier.

"What is that?" Dudley whispered to Harry. Harry smirked.

"You remember that blonde-haired kid we ambushed twice?" Dudley nodded, a surprised grin starting to grow on his face.

"This is the work of the Weasley twins, two of the school's finest pranksters," said Harry jovially. And with that, he led Dudley away from Malfoy and onto the Hogwarts Express.

The ride home seemed much shorter than the ride there. When they arrived back in the Muggle world, Harry once again warned Dudley about showing others his magic treats before clapping his cousin on the back and disappearing back through the brick wall. Dudley put an experimental hand against the wall. It remained solidly a wall.

* * *

Das Ende 


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